Stupid Fruity Swag
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My thoughts on Macintosh
What makes a good computer to most people? A decent size hard drive, hardware that is good enough to run their favorite programs or games, and an operating system that is as intuitive as it is useful. The argument of mac vs pc has been going on for quite some time, and might never end. People, it's time to look past flashy hardware and start really comparing the two. Macs are essentially the leap frog of the computing world. Is it easy to use? Yes. Is it visually appealing? Yes. Is mac's operating system better than Windows? That's a trick question. Mac actually does not have their "own" operating system yet as all distributions of mac are based on FreeBSD. For the lay person, this means that Apple took someone else's technology, and raped it to make it flashy at the expense of being useful.
One of the arguments that I hear more than anything is that "Macs don't crash". Yes they do! All the time! When a windows box crashes, 99 percent of the time it is due to poorly written third party software, not the operating system. Want to know something more interesting? On a Mac you cannot trace the source of a crash.
Mac also boasts that their hardware is the easiest to configure for internet connections. That argument is essentially meaningless due to the ease of use of most wireless equipment produced today. It kills me that I still get calls from people who cannot figure out how to set up their internet connections. I digress...
Then there is my most favorite argument: "But I can run Windows on my Mac!" Why would you need to run windows if Mac was king? Why would Microsoft need to give Office to Apple? It's simple. Macs are toys. It's amazing how much money people spend on Mac hardware which is clearly overpriced. Don't try to convey this message to a Macfag, because it is simply impossible. Hey, who wouldn't be upset when they are told that they bought the most incompatible $3,000 device on the market?
The best part about a Mac? When your system is obsolete, you don't have to worry about upgrading. You have to throw it away and buy a new one!
Also, Mac commercials are not funny, accurate, or informative in any way.
Tootsie Roll POPs
Some things never change. Some things should never change.
Someone just left a bag of these on my office table Friday afternoon, so of course I opened it to enjoy one. As I opened the bag, there was a completely familiar feeling. It’s been years since I last had one, I can’t remember exactly when, but whatever.
All of the original flavors were there, chocolate, raspberry, cheery, grape and orange (my favorite). They haven’t even changed the packaging since I was a kid. All the pops came wrapped in the printed wax paper with all the original art work. I remember there being the rumors over the years about the Indian shooting the star yielding free candy. Man this brings back memories.
I love it when candies are left alone in their original state. Of course they have come out several new flavors over the years. But the fact that they still make the original flavors and package them in the original wrappers is nothing short of awesome.
Good:
- Its Candy lol, always a plus.
- The original flavors are all still there.
- The original wrappers.
- They are keeping with what is good and not fucking with it.
Bad:
It will NEVER take 3 licks to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop. EVER. I don’t care who you are.
Also, along with the original flavors, there is the chocolate flavor. Now don’t get me wrong, I will still eat it, it tastes pretty damn good. It was their original flavor. But, it still creeps me out just a little. For some reason, I cant get the solid candy chocolate flavor past my mind lol. When I think chocolate, I think a milky semi-solid texture, not hard candy lol.
Verdict:
Always has been and always will be an original candy. If you liked it as a kid, it will still be great now. So go buy a bag of them.
I’m giving it 4 out of 5 ROFLs based on the fact that they have kept to their original idea and have only changed slightly over the years. But, the chocolate flavor is still a little freaky.
OK, so I'm totally aware that this is a very late review, considering how long the album has been out, but I'm finally ready to give my review.
Eminem has been on the rap scene for a while. His albums are all pretty much regurgitated content to different beats. We know man, you like to kill people, lots of them, incessantly. His body count must be higher than most wars the way he talks about killing people. I'd hate to play Eminem in Halo.
The Good: Nothing.
The Bad: Everything.
Eminem is not rapper. He is not a musician. He is a whiny bitch. I invite him to come to NC, so I can put him in a car seat and drive him around until he shuts the hell up.
Sorry Em, but you should find a new job. Rapping about how much you hate your mom is played out. Also, last time I checked music is supposed to be entertaining. You're about as entertaining as a daycare, because listening to your music sounds about like sitting amongst a bunch of infants fighting over toys.
Verdict: If you're into the rap thing like I am, and you're looking for something good to listen to, I would recommend not buying (or even stealing) relapse. I won't even try to explain why this album sucks so bad. If you want to listen to a good rap, all you have to do is not buy Eminem's music. Anything else you get is guaranteed to be better.
Like this guy:
Oh yea, Relapse gets 0 ROFLs.
Eminem has been on the rap scene for a while. His albums are all pretty much regurgitated content to different beats. We know man, you like to kill people, lots of them, incessantly. His body count must be higher than most wars the way he talks about killing people. I'd hate to play Eminem in Halo.
The Good: Nothing.
The Bad: Everything.
Eminem is not rapper. He is not a musician. He is a whiny bitch. I invite him to come to NC, so I can put him in a car seat and drive him around until he shuts the hell up.
Sorry Em, but you should find a new job. Rapping about how much you hate your mom is played out. Also, last time I checked music is supposed to be entertaining. You're about as entertaining as a daycare, because listening to your music sounds about like sitting amongst a bunch of infants fighting over toys.
Verdict: If you're into the rap thing like I am, and you're looking for something good to listen to, I would recommend not buying (or even stealing) relapse. I won't even try to explain why this album sucks so bad. If you want to listen to a good rap, all you have to do is not buy Eminem's music. Anything else you get is guaranteed to be better.
Like this guy:
Oh yea, Relapse gets 0 ROFLs.
First Post?
Hey, first post...ill be posting comics and shit about old games people dont play anymore...Restaurant Review: AJ Gators
This weekend I was in Virginia Beach visiting some friends. It was Saturday evening around 5:30 and my buddy Michael and I had just polished off a game of firefight on Halo ODST. It's ironic that we were playing firefight, because little did I know, I had my own firefight coming up. So we hit up this place called AJ Gator's. Seemed like your average sports bar: TVs everywhere, pool tables, a bar, the works. Michael informed me that they had what was called the "gator challenge" where you were given six chicken wings and 1/4 pound of gator tail. You had to eat every bit of the food in under six minutes. What's the catch you ask? The food was absolutely drenched in what I believe was pure capsaicin. Okay, maybe not, but it was definitely the hottest sauce I have ever tasted in terms of scoville units. Oh yea, and no drink until you finished or tapped out.
On Michael's suggestion, I started with the wings because the gator tail was chewy and would allow the feiry mix to soak up in my mouth. The first bite was utter hell, but I was determined to finish. Three minutes and fifteen seconds later, the chicken wings and gator "nuggets" (as I would describe them) sat not so happily in my stomach. My forehead was pouring sweat, and before the waitress had returned with my t-shirt I had finished my drink and everyone else's at our table. I honestly don't want to talk about the aftermath, but suffice to say it was extremely unpleasant.
If you're a hot food freak, and there is an AJ Gators in your neck of the woods, go try the Gator Challenge.
Eating it: 1 out of 5 ROFLs
Watching someone else eat it: 5 out of 5 ROFLs
Game Review: Guitar Hero 5
Overview: I don't think that an introduction to this franchise is really required. Everyone knows what Guitar Hero is by now... it has become a household name. Guitar Hero 5 is very similar to Guitar Hero: World Tour at its core. There have been several key additions to the formula, and most are very appreciated and well thought out/executed.
The ability to play any one of four instruments returns from World Tour... so each player has the choice to play the Drums, Lead Guitar, Bass Guitar, or Vocals. One of the changes to this aspect of the game, is also one of its best features, so I will explain the another section of this review.
This installment includes 85 on-the-disc tracks, from various decades/genres. There is also the option to import many songs from Guitar Hero:World Tour and Guitar Hero: Smash Hits, which is great, but slightly flawed.
The Good: The track list is pretty expansive, and spread out across many decades and genres. For the most part the selection is very good. I have been waiting to see Bush and Rammstein appear on the track list, and I was very surprised, and happy to see a Peter Frampton song as well. I love music, and have a very broad appreciation for it, so a track list such as this one appeals to me very much.
The graphics have been improved. The animations look a lot better, the Guitar Hero characters look a helluva lot better, and the venues add more to the experience this time then ever before. Each edition of the Franchise makes improvements on the visuals, and this time it is really starting to come together. I think that is an obvious advantage of doing franchise games, as opposed to reinventing the wheel each time with a new title entirely.
Another feature that has been introduced are challenges for every song. For example one song may challenge you to use your whammy bar during every sustain... you're awarded medals depending on how long you used the whammy over the course of the song. Another example would be achieving a very high score on a particular song, in solo play, or specifically in a 4 play arrangement.
The best feature introduced this time around is by far the Party Mode. This enable you to turn on the XBOX, and start the game, and jump right into the gameplay without any menu navigation whatsoever. A random song will start automatically, press the respective yellow button on whichever controller you're using, pick your difficulty and you are playing. This can be done at anytime you choose, even mid song. A friend can do the same while you're playing without interruption. If someone is being a wuss because their fingers are bleeding, and they can't possibly play anymore, then they can just drop out of the song at anytime. If you'd like to create a playlist, you can do that as well. If you do not like one of the songs that plays you can skip it. Activision/Red Octane have thought of everything this time. You can even leave the game at the title screen and just watch the band play random songs.
Another thing about party mode that has to be mentioned is that any body can play any instrument at any time. You can have 4 singers, or 4 guitarists, or 4 bass guitarists, or 4 drummers (fucking crazy, but possible). And any player can switch from one instrument to another at anytime as well.
The Bad: Why the fuck is Kurt Cobain in the game? and Johnny Cash, Carlos Santana, Shirley Manson and the guy from Muse??? This is just retarded now. It adds nothing to the game, and the whole Kurt Cobain thing is just plain wrong. Kurt should not be singing a Stevie Wonder song... That is fucking retarded.
The track list has a bunch of songs that flat out suck... I love music, and I know a TON of it, but there are some songs included that no one in their right mind would enjoy playing. I don't know how they make their way into the game, but they need to stop.
There are not many songs that lend themselves well to a singer. That is a shame, as I really like singing, but if the majority of the songs are composed by band with singers that have not been through puberty yet, I have a terrible time singing. I realize that the song can be sung an octave lower, or higher when necessary, but it just doesn't feel the same.
Verdict: If you like Guitar Hero, you already have this probably. If you're on the fence, get hell off, you'll hurt yourself. If you haven't purchased a Guitar Hero yet, then this is the one to get! Improvements were made where they needed to be. Finally Guitar Hero is the perfect party game.
5 out of 5 rofls!
Game Review: Typing of the Dead
Overview: We all love killing zombies, and we all have to use a keyboard from day to day, well most of us. So why not combine both of these activities?
Typing of the Dead is a mod that was created from House of the Dead 2 back in 1999. Basically, it’s an educational typing game which is funny as hell.
First, all of the characters have replaced their guns with this sort of backpack / Sega Dreamcast / keyboard harness… thing. This makes me laugh my ass off every time there is a cut scene, which still includes the horrible voice acting from the original game. There everyone is, standing there killing zombies by pointing their keyboards at them lol.
When a zombie pops up, a random word or phrase is generated and you must type to kill said zombie or boss. Sometimes this makes for hilarious word combinations on-screen, I have stopped a few times just to laugh at the words that show up.
Here are a few that made me lol:
- Sour beer
- Boner
- Throbbing
- Enormous hair
- Girlie show
- Jichael Mackson (WTF? LOL)
Challenges also pop up in each area, things like killing ten zombies in X amount of time. These will usually all have the same genre of words showing up for each one, like names of flowers or articles of clothing ect ect…
They also incorporated hidden items, usually in a quick one letter keystroke when the character is moving around. One of them that I got so far was a zombie costume, this made the following cut scene even more ridiculous. There I am, as a zombie, wearing the Dreamcast backpack keyboard combo.
The zombies have had some changes made as well. In the original game, some of the zombies would be wielding knives or axes. In this, they have replaced them with things like toilet plungers and soup ladels.
The Good:
Teaching tool
Ironically enough, it is a pretty decent teaching tool for typing. If you mess up, your character dies, pretty simple.
Also the words and phrases get longer and tougher as the game progresses. The time you get to type them also gets shorter as the game goes on.
Funny as hell
The sheer hilarious aspect of this game is enough to make anyone try this at least once.
There are just so many things in this that will make you lol, you really need to try it. Some of them are as follows:
- Killing zombies with a keyboard
- Random hilarious word combinations
- Hidden items
- Zombies wielding ridiculous weapons
- Horrible voice acting
Also, the random words generated creates a good enough replay value, you never type the same thing twice from what I have seen. And, let’s face it, we all love killing zombies over and over again.
The Bad:
Some of the teaching aspects of the game fall short when you realize that you do not need to capitalize or use spaces when typing the words or phrases. (good god that rhymed, why?). This really only becomes annoying when you instinctively use spaces or the shift key when typing.
Verdict:
Great game, I personally think it is worth playing around with for a night or two just for shits and giggles.
Again, it’s a decent teaching tool, but if you are teaching a small child how to type, this obviously isn’t for them. Unless I ever have kids, then this is what they are getting :3
Other than that, probably something you would only break out for hilarity when your friends are over for a few hours.
I give it 4 out of 5 ROFLS.