remember king vitamin cereal?! i sure as fuck do...

;_; only because i was fucking poor...

What makes a good computer to most people? A decent size hard drive, hardware that is good enough to run their favorite programs or games, and an operating system that is as intuitive as it is useful. The argument of mac vs pc has been going on for quite some time, and might never end. People, it's time to look past flashy hardware and start really comparing the two. Macs are essentially the leap frog of the computing world. Is it easy to use? Yes. Is it visually appealing? Yes. Is mac's operating system better than Windows? That's a trick question. Mac actually does not have their "own" operating system yet as all distributions of mac are based on FreeBSD. For the lay person, this means that Apple took someone else's technology, and raped it to make it flashy at the expense of being useful.

One of the arguments that I hear more than anything is that "Macs don't crash". Yes they do! All the time! When a windows box crashes, 99 percent of the time it is due to poorly written third party software, not the operating system. Want to know something more interesting? On a Mac you cannot trace the source of a crash.

Mac also boasts that their hardware is the easiest to configure for internet connections. That argument is essentially meaningless due to the ease of use of most wireless equipment produced today. It kills me that I still get calls from people who cannot figure out how to set up their internet connections. I digress...

Then there is my most favorite argument: "But I can run Windows on my Mac!" Why would you need to run windows if Mac was king? Why would Microsoft need to give Office to Apple? It's simple. Macs are toys. It's amazing how much money people spend on Mac hardware which is clearly overpriced. Don't try to convey this message to a Macfag, because it is simply impossible. Hey, who wouldn't be upset when they are told that they bought the most incompatible $3,000 device on the market?

The best part about a Mac? When your system is obsolete, you don't have to worry about upgrading. You have to throw it away and buy a new one!

Also, Mac commercials are not funny, accurate, or informative in any way.

Some things never change. Some things should never change.

Someone just left a bag of these on my office table Friday afternoon, so of course I opened it to enjoy one. As I opened the bag, there was a completely familiar feeling. It’s been years since I last had one, I can’t remember exactly when, but whatever.

All of the original flavors were there, chocolate, raspberry, cheery, grape and orange (my favorite). They haven’t even changed the packaging since I was a kid. All the pops came wrapped in the printed wax paper with all the original art work. I remember there being the rumors over the years about the Indian shooting the star yielding free candy. Man this brings back memories.

I love it when candies are left alone in their original state. Of course they have come out several new flavors over the years. But the fact that they still make the original flavors and package them in the original wrappers is nothing short of awesome.

Good:

• Its Candy lol, always a plus.
• The original flavors are all still there.
• The original wrappers.
• They are keeping with what is good and not fucking with it.
  

Bad:

It will NEVER take 3 licks to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop. EVER. I don’t care who you are.

Also, along with the original flavors, there is the chocolate flavor. Now don’t get me wrong, I will still eat it, it tastes pretty damn good. It was their original flavor. But, it still creeps me out just a little. For some reason, I cant get the solid candy chocolate flavor past my mind lol. When I think chocolate, I think a milky semi-solid texture, not hard candy lol.

Verdict:

Always has been and always will be an original candy. If you liked it as a kid, it will still be great now. So go buy a bag of them.

I’m giving it 4 out of 5 ROFLs based on the fact that they have kept to their original idea and have only changed slightly over the years. But, the chocolate flavor is still a little freaky.

Hey, first post...ill be posting comics and shit about old games people dont play anymore...

This weekend I was in Virginia Beach visiting some friends. It was Saturday evening around 5:30 and my buddy Michael and I had just polished off a game of firefight on Halo ODST. It's ironic that we were playing firefight, because little did I know, I had my own firefight coming up. So we hit up this place called AJ Gator's. Seemed like your average sports bar: TVs everywhere, pool tables, a bar, the works. Michael informed me that they had what was called the "gator challenge" where you were given six chicken wings and 1/4 pound of gator tail. You had to eat every bit of the food in under six minutes. What's the catch you ask? The food was absolutely drenched in what I believe was pure capsaicin. Okay, maybe not, but it was definitely the hottest sauce I have ever tasted in terms of scoville units. Oh yea, and no drink until you finished or tapped out.

On Michael's suggestion, I started with the wings because the gator tail was chewy and would allow the feiry mix to soak up in my mouth. The first bite was utter hell, but I was determined to finish. Three minutes and fifteen seconds later, the chicken wings and gator "nuggets" (as I would describe them) sat not so happily in my stomach. My forehead was pouring sweat, and before the waitress had returned with my t-shirt I had finished my drink and everyone else's at our table. I honestly don't want to talk about the aftermath, but suffice to say it was extremely unpleasant.

If you're a hot food freak, and there is an AJ Gators in your neck of the woods, go try the Gator Challenge.

Eating it: 1 out of 5 ROFLs
Watching someone else eat it: 5 out of 5 ROFLs

Overview: 
 We all love killing zombies, and we all have to use a keyboard from day to day, well most of us. So why not combine both of these activities?

Typing of the Dead is a mod that was created from House of the Dead 2 back in 1999. Basically, it’s an educational typing game which is funny as hell.

First, all of the characters have replaced their guns with this sort of backpack / Sega Dreamcast / keyboard harness… thing. This makes me laugh my ass off every time there is a cut scene, which still includes the horrible voice acting from the original game. There everyone is, standing there killing zombies by pointing their keyboards at them lol.

When a zombie pops up, a random word or phrase is generated and you must type to kill said zombie or boss. Sometimes this makes for hilarious word combinations on-screen, I have stopped a few times just to laugh at the words that show up.

Here are a few that made me lol:

• Sour beer
• Boner
• Throbbing
• Enormous hair
• Girlie show
• Jichael Mackson (WTF? LOL)

Challenges also pop up in each area, things like killing ten zombies in X amount of time. These will usually all have the same genre of words showing up for each one, like names of flowers or articles of clothing ect ect…

They also incorporated hidden items, usually in a quick one letter keystroke when the character is moving around. One of them that I got so far was a zombie costume, this made the following cut scene even more ridiculous. There I am, as a zombie, wearing the Dreamcast backpack keyboard combo.

The zombies have had some changes made as well. In the original game, some of the zombies would be wielding knives or axes. In this, they have replaced them with things like toilet plungers and soup ladels.

The Good:
Teaching tool
Ironically enough, it is a pretty decent teaching tool for typing. If you mess up, your character dies, pretty simple.
Also the words and phrases get longer and tougher as the game progresses. The time you get to type them also gets shorter as the game goes on.

Funny as hell
The sheer hilarious aspect of this game is enough to make anyone try this at least once.

There are just so many things in this that will make you lol, you really need to try it. Some of them are as follows:

• Killing zombies with a keyboard
• Random hilarious word combinations
• Hidden items
• Zombies wielding ridiculous weapons
• Horrible voice acting

Replay value
Also, the random words generated creates a good enough replay value, you never type the same thing twice from what I have seen. And, let’s face it, we all love killing zombies over and over again.

The Bad:
Some of the teaching aspects of the game fall short when you realize that you do not need to capitalize or use spaces when typing the words or phrases. (good god that rhymed, why?). This really only becomes annoying when you instinctively use spaces or the shift key when typing.

Verdict:
Great game, I personally think it is worth playing around with for a night or two just for shits and giggles.

Again, it’s a decent teaching tool, but if you are teaching a small child how to type, this obviously isn’t for them. Unless I ever have kids, then this is what they are getting :3

Other than that, probably something you would only break out for hilarity when your friends are over for a few hours.

I give it 4 out of 5 ROFLS.

Work. It's what gets us out of bed in the morning. It's what makes us slave like zombies 5 days a week for a pittance. It's what makes us drink. But most importantly, it's what makes us fuck around on the internet!

If you're like me and get bored easily, you tend to enjoy a good flash game to keep you entertained...you know, something simple. Cannabalt. What's Cannabalt you ask? It's the most intensely fun side scrolling flash game ever concieved, that only uses one button. GENIOUS!

You play the role of an unknown agent during what looks to be a massive alien invasion. Your mission: to jump. A lot.

You start the game by jumping through an office window, and then from building to building as you dodge waves of debris. There are also random boxes to get in your way and slow you down. There is a twist though, the longer you stay alive, the faster you must go. You'll eventually fall off the side of a crane or get pulverized into a fine bloody mist, but you will find yourself wanting more. Oh, did I mention it has a catchy tune?

In short, check out this game. You won't be disappointed.

LINK: http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/510303

4 out of 5 ROFLs

• Be on the lookout for:
• Death by baseball bat
• Scalping
• Facial mutilation
• Deception
• Strudel
• Gunshots to the crotch
• Nazis smoking awesome pipes
• Americans speaking horribly butchered French

Overview: Welcome to Mars bitches! The latest game from Volition Inc. takes you back to the Red Planet as a member of the resistance (aka the Red Faction). Some of you might be familiar with the two earlier games from the series and thankfully this is nothing like them.

The Good: In this edition the perspective takes a step back into third-person. This really helps the player identify with the character. I find that sometimes first-person games put the player in the shoes of a faceless hero, and there always seems to be something missing. Usually games combat that emptiness with cutscenes, but then they take away from the action. Red faction, with the help of the third-person perspective have managed to create an immersive world, and a likeable character w/o many cutscenes at all. The narrative of the story is told mostly through radio transmissions from the Red Faction, and conversations with NPCs and chatter from the other inhabitants of the planet. This works pretty well, but I'll elaborate on that later on.

This game does a great job of empowering the player. A good example of this is the hammer that our main character has with him at all times. You can smash an entire building to bits with the hammer alone. THIS NEVER GETS OLD. The physics engine in this game should be the model for all open world games to follow from here on out. It just makes sense that if I knock the hell out of every load bearing support beam in a building with my big ass hammer, that the structural integrity of said building will decrease.... Eventually you will hit the sweet spot and feel the building shudder. Then you get the fuck out of Dodge and watch it fall to the ground... awesome.

There is a good assortment of other weaponry believe it or not, and you will find yourself switching out one weapon for another depending on the task/mission at hand. Whenever possible though, a good blow to the face with my trusty sledgehammer always was most satisfying.

The Bad: No game is perfect, and Red Faction: Guerilla is no exception. One of its biggest flaws is the simple lack of story driven missions. I think there are only about 20, but all but 4 or five of them seem unimportant, and no more interesting than the hundreds of side missions available to you. This is where the lack of custscenes kind of hurts Red Faction. Personally I like to have cutscenes in between story missions, it breaks up the action, and gives me a sense of accomplishment. The cutscene is something that I've earned by completing the previous mission, or it is an introduction to a new territory, or enemy. In Red Faction you are simply rewarded with "salvage" (Red Faction currency used for weapon upgrades), and a statistic stating you've beaten a number of story missions.

Another less than perfect aspect  - Good luck driving on the Red Planet... Steering the shitty Marsian vehicles can be a complete pain in the ass. I understand that the terrain on Mars is rough, but if you're going to incorporate time trial missions into your game, make sure that the vehicles you give the players are at least somewhat fun to drive. This was unfortunate because it reduced many of the driving missions to pure annoyances.

Verdict: Red Faction: Guerilla is an excellent game. I highly recommend it to anyone who enjoys smashing shit up... and also to anyone who likes open world gaming. There are also several modes of multiplayer available, and a DLC pack has been released already as well. The campaign took me a little over 12 hours on the normal difficulty, but there are still many side missions for me to come back to, and hours of multiplayer waiting for me.

An easy 4 out of 5 Rofls

So it's been about a year since my last post. Here at TRS we have been contemplating a comeback. So today, I am bringing back the reviews with something we have never done before. Food and drink!

Monster. My love. I recently found this behemoth of a can (24 ounces to be exact) in my local corner store. Once I tried these I became instantly addicted. Nevermind the fact that this drink provides 300% of every B vitamin, it also boasts 2500mg of shit that is probably giving me cancer. But guess what? Only 30 calories per can! Plus they give you a nifty screw top so you can save some for later.


To go with my monster, the clerk offered me a pack of these coconut m&m's for just .49 cents. I totally couldn't refuse. These limited edition coconut M&M's are a surprisingly delicious twist on the old time favorite. The size of these candies is about the same as the peanut variety, however the center contains chocolate (no nuts) that has added coconut flavour (artificial). There is nothing too overly exciting to say about these, because they are very simple: sugar, chocolate, and artificial coconut flavor. Just awesome.

The drink: 4.5 out of 5 rofls
The candy: 3 out of 5 rofls